You didn’t sign up to co-parent with multiple men forever. You thought the relationships would end when the romance did. But somehow, the texts, the conflicts, the tension—they keep showing up.
One wants to debate everything. Another only shows up when it’s convenient. A third is passive-aggressive but “nice enough” not to confront directly.
It’s like having multiple part-time jobs with no paycheck.
Why It’s So Exhausting
Because it’s not just about parenting. It’s also:
- Holding back your real feelings to avoid another fight
- Being polite when you’re frustrated
- Getting blamed for things outside your control
- Feeling like the only one who ever apologizes or adjusts
You carry the emotional weight—often silently—while trying to stay “mature” and “cooperative.” And it wears you down.
How to Start Protecting Your Energy
You don’t need anyone’s permission to step back. Here’s how to reclaim your mental space:
1. Decide What’s Worth Your Energy
Ask yourself: Does this need a response?
Not every complaint needs your attention. Not every jab deserves a reply. When someone’s fishing for a fight, silence can be the most powerful boundary.
2. Stick to the Topic—Not the Emotion
Keep conversations short and focused. If the topic is about the kids, stay there. No “remember when you…” No backtracking old arguments.
You don’t have to match their tone. Calm and clear is enough.
Try this:
“Let’s focus on what’s best for [child’s name]. I’m not getting into anything else right now.”
Then stop. No explaining. No defending.
3. Make Room for Your Feelings (Privately)
You’re allowed to be angry. Or sad. Or numb. Don’t bottle it up. Vent to a friend, write it down, cry in the car if you need to—but let those feelings out.
Holding it in all the time doesn’t make you strong. Processing it does.
4. Create a Mental Reset Ritual
After each draining interaction, do something to shift the energy. Step outside. Wash your hands. Blast music. Something small that signals, “That’s done. I’m back to me now.”
It sounds silly, but it works.
5. Remember: You’re Not the Problem Solver
You don’t have to fix their moods, their schedules, or their guilt. Your job is to raise your kids—not manage everyone’s emotions.
Let people be who they are. You focus on who you’re becoming.
Final Word
You’re doing something hard. Really hard. You’re raising kids while managing multiple exes, often with zero acknowledgment of how much that costs you emotionally.
You deserve peace. Start choosing it in small, firm ways.
Say less. Protect more. And when in doubt, remind yourself: You don’t owe anyone access to your sanity.
